Santa, are you out there?

So, as you read this, you will have probably begun the descent into Christmas Chaos, and if you are anything like me, you will be totally loving it. I am a freak for all things Christmas, and I have been known to blast my Christmas Cds for waaay longer than is considered tasteful. I now have the added bonus that my two little elves love the Christmas music almost as much as they love my “Bogan – Best rock anthems from the pub jukebox” CD – no, really!

And joy to the world! Christmas combines 2 of my favourite pastimes – Eating and spending money!

And then there is the presents. I have to admit, when it comes to husbands and presents, I have well and truly won the jackpot.  I have always received great pressies from him, although I don’t believe anything will top the pressie I got for Christmas last year, which was a diamond ticket to see Bon Jovi that was a dream come true.  This year, however, I think we are bypassing pressies as we have recently been in Fiji and are now putting in a new kitchen, so we are “on a budget”.  (I have “heard” that before, though...)

This year, though, what I want is simple, and I am sure many other mothers out there are after the same thing. It’s fairly rare, and I am told if you get one (or both, even) you are the envy of mothers the world around.

What is this gift? The uninterrupted toilet break and the unsupervised shower. Oh, yes, I long for the day I can peacefully sit on the toilet, contemplating the problems of the world without one or both of my children hammering on the door, asking for something to eat, fighting, howling, or now that he can reach, opening the door….

And shower? Wow, what I wouldn’t give to have one of those without seeing through the steam the door cracking open and two little elves appearing at the (luckily for their eyesight) steamed up shower door..its worse if I haven’t planned ahead and removed the items from the top drawer of the vanity (usefully the only one without a safety latch), because if I don’t act fast enough, the small one is off quickly to paint the carpet with toothpaste (which doesn’t come out) and the bigger one is chasing her so he can cut her fingernails with one of the 4 sets of nail clippers in there…

If, by some small miracle I can get the lock on the door to work, it ends up with the same screaming/crying/fighting scenario as the toilet door does and as an added bonus, I often can’t get out because the lock is jammed, and the phone will be ringing and if I am even luckier, the bigger one will have taken it upon himself to “answer” it…

So, Santa, if you are reading, I have been VERY nice this year, and EXTREMELY good, do you think you can wrangle this for me??? Just once???