Public Property?

I’ve often considered what would happen if I went up to some random fat lady (or man) and patted their tummies uninvited and launched into the million questions along the lines of what they eat and why and offered my own advice free of charge and unasked for.

I’d probably get a smack in the head and read my pedigree before being taken away by the police.

So why on earth do strangers think it is their God given right to manhandle random pregnant women? And then offer their advice?

I have to admit, I was a captive audience, being stuck behind a counter and being paid to be nice.

By the end of my 22 month pregnancy I had had about enough of strangers well meaning advice and had had more than enough of the stock standard questions people ask when making polite conversation with a pregnant lady, who because of her large bump, has quite obviously lost part or most of her brain, so can only talk in loud s-l-o-w sentences about babies and the like. In my last few weeks at work, I began to play a little (NEVER make a pregnant woman angry).

“So….. Do you know what you are having?” (As if I’d tell you!) To which I would reply “Well, I am kind of hoping for a new dog, but I think it’s a baby...”

“Oh! You’re pregnant!”

“No, I’m just fat!”

“Oh, you won’t need pain relief; women in China give birth in the rice paddies and just go back to work after”

“Do you get your teeth pulled without pain relief?”

Chances are, if you are reading this, you will know “The questions” and their variations.

I’ve also noticed the minefield of veiled comments, meaningful questions and well meaning but sometimes misguided advice.

The most loaded questions usually start days after birth, and usually come from an aunty or grandma…. “So… is he a good baby?” which actually means “So… is he sleeping through the night yet?” and “So… are you feeding him?” (as opposed to starving him, of course) which actually means “So… are you breastfeeding him” That question turns into “ are you still feeding him?” at around 4 or 5 months and (shockingly true) “Don’t you think its sick and disgusting to be still feeding when they can walk?” The inference is that if baby is not or you are not doing these things, then you are not doing things right.

The thing that makes me shake my head the most is that most of these veiled questions to our parenting ability is that these often come from our fellow sisters. Women. And usually ones who have themselves been on the receiving end of these endless questions that make us sometimes doubt our ability to be a good parent. So we make up or fudge a little so as not to seem completely useless. “Yes, he sleeps through. Has been since 2 weeks” (LIE!)  We are our own worst enemies in a time when we need the help and support of other women the most. Like it somehow makes us seem like better parents if we can make another woman feel a teensy bit bad about their situation. So come on Mums, lets not ask if baby is “Good” lets just say, companionably, Gosh it’s hard, isn’t it?. Would you like me to make you a drink?