Don't judge a book by its cover...(pub June 10)

The Biggest Elf sat quietly playing trains in a sunny part of the lounge the other day, minding his own business, talking quietly to TedTed when Hurricane small Elf crept up to him, raised her leg and kicked him in the head. Before he (or I) had time to register surprise, shock or anger, she had disappeared in a whirl out to the sandpit, and by the time I got out there, she looked as if she hadn’t moved an inch all afternoon.

The smallest Elf, she of dainty build, angelic white curls and huge blue eyes looks like a hallmark card picture of a cherub (albeit a slim lined one) has a large and often rough personality (think V8 engine in a Mini chassis) and the largest Elf, with his smattering of freckles and his red gold hair looks like a cheeky little imp, sort of like Dennis the Menace, however he is (mostly) quiet, gentle and sensitive. I had hoped for a quiet natured daughter to read books with and play dolls, and the Man Of The House had wanted a rough and tumble lad to play rugby and wrestling with, however they switched personalities and we got just that, but different!

It hasn’t always been like that, though. A few years back, I was certain CYPFS was gong to break my door down to rescue my son from his bedroom where he spent a lot of time in time out. Usually getting the window open somehow and yelling out things along the lines of “I’m stuck in my bedroom, help!”, and “Mummy, Mummy don’t leave me in here” and the Small Elf was the quiet, placid “cruiser”. I’m not too sure when they switched roles, but you have to laugh. Or you would cry.

I didn’t cotton on to the fact that this had happened, until one day when neither of them could see me, I watched while they played.  Large elf was sitting doing a puzzle. The small elf waddled over to him, reached down, yanked a good handful of his hair then lay down on the floor shrieking after he swatted her away. Now, to see it from her point of view, her lying on the ground, shrieking as if Armageddon was here would mean that the large elf was somehow at fault and therefore to be told off and put into time out after being made to apologise to his small sister. This is what had usually happened when I hadn’t seen the fallout.  Small elf got the shock of her life when she was swiftly picked up and made to “cuddle” her big brother sorry (she wasn’t quite at chatting stage yet) and she herself was put into time out.

Mostly, now, when there are tears, she has been right at the centre of it. One of her “tricks” is to hold up her fists and ask her victim “Do you want this one or this one?” all the while rocking that angelic look and battering her long eyelashes at any poor unsuspecting male that looks in he direction. I pity the fool that takes her on, I pity the fool.